awkward smiles and drunk confessions…

I’ve been thinking about ready Skinny Bitch for a while now. I’ve heard some interesting things about it, and when I saw it sitting on the shelf during my lunchtime visit to the bookstore, I figured why the hell not, and bought it. After all, there is nothing I like more than a good food book.

And honestly, I’m really glad I did.

When I was eleven I gave up eating Beef and Pork during a visit to my grandparents, after innocently asking my grandfather (it was the winter time) where the cows were. His reply? On my plate. Now, ever since I could remember, I had grown up around those cows–feeding them, naming them, loving them–and to hear this. Well, I have not touched beef since, and I never will again. Pork came after, since I love cute little pigs, and I couldn’t imagine eating them. Ducks were also on the list, again for the same reason–they were just so cute, I couldn’t ever imagine eating them.

When it comes to chicken, to be honest, I was living in denial. I had absolutely not idea the kind of conditions that these animals have to suffer through so that I can eat them. It’s not pretty what-so-ever. And after reading Skinny Bitch, I don’t think I can ever honestly eat chicken again and not think about it. I love animals, especially birds, and to think about these conditions and the torture (I don’t think there is any better word) that they go through, I honestly can imagine being able to eat chicken again. I just can’t.

Fish is going to be my gray area I think.

Either way, I’m glad I bought the book. A lot of it did read like propaganda toward the vegan lifestyle, which is cool, I guess, but I don’t think I can fully commit to everything they tell me I need in order to be a “skinny bitch”. I know for sure I’m going to be kicking my diet soda addiction, and replacing my splenda with stevia, which was something I was already thinking about doing. More water, less soda. What could be wrong with that?

Besides, any excuse to indulge in my favourite (and expensive) gluten-free vegan nachos, right? That, and, I want to learn how to cook more, so why not jump with both feet into the deep end and learn to cook better, and healthier, food options. I’ll benifit, my health will benifit, and I’ll learn to actually cook things instead of relying on packaged foods. Easier said than done, but I have been paying close attention to a couple of my favoirte recipe blogs a little more closely. I’m sure my parents aren’t going to be too impressed, but this is something I feel I need to do, and so I’m going to do it.

Gluten Free Goddess

Fat Free Vegan

p.s. song lyrics that inspired my title, taken from Sarah Dessen’s This Lullaby one of my all-time favorite books ever.

The Potato Opus

I saw her in the produce section late last Saturday
It hadn’t been but 7 days since she went away
Once she loved my filet mignon
My carnivore inkling
But now she was a vegan princess
Living off of beans!
She’d given up the cheese and bacon
Sworn off burger king
And when I wouldn’t do the same
She gave me back my ring
I stood there by the romaine lettuce
Feeling my heart pine
Wishing that this meatless beauty
Still would be all mine
She turned around to go checkout
15 items or less
and I knew this was the last go-round
so this is what I said
don’t you ever give me no rotten tomato
cause all I ever wanted was your sweet potato
mashed, whipped, creamed, smothered, chunked, and diced
anyway you fix it baby sure tastes nice

I get more excited the closer and closer that Halloween creeps, especially as I watch my parents filling our front lawn with decorations, walking through stores and through isles of Costco sized bags of candy. Getting my own costume (and Andrew’s) ready. Trying to figure out what I am going to carve on my pumpkin, since I missed out last year. And there is something about the weather too. Halloween, to me at least, is almost like the last official event of the fall.

Sometimes it makes me sad the way kids now-a-days (wow, that makes me sound old) don’t seem to “get” Halloween. When I was a kid it was honestly one of the most exciting days of the year and as a family we always went all out. My parents used to throw big Halloween parties with elaborate costumes, and they always helped Krista and I come up with the best costumes for the holiday, something which has continued to this day. Some of my costumes include: A Spice Girl, A Cat, A pirate, A fairy, Snow White, Alice (from Wonderland) & Jasmine. Honestly, it makes me sad when I see kids come to the door and they’ve put no feeling into their costumes. And no, I don’t think you have to go out and buy an expensive costume to celebrate right.

The Halloween spirit just seems to be lacking, and it makes me sad. It’s almost like kids expect if they got out with a pillow case and a “costume” they should get candy, no “trick or treat” involved. That’s all part of the fun man! Seriously, can you imagine a world without Halloween and its many traditions. If you want candy then wait a day and go buy the discounted stuff at Wal-mart. If you’re coming to my house I was some enthusiasm, I want to hear kids scream out “Trick or Treat” and embrace the holiday.

And if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to put on the Halloween episode of Buffy and finish up my costume. Only 3 more days until the ghosts and goblins are on the loose.

Happy Anniversary to Andrew today. Five years. We’ve been through much–the best times, the worst times–and yet here we are, still together and still in love. Here’s to 50 more years of being best friends, lovers, and silly 1st graders all together.

And so, in honor of our anniversary, I thought I would post a little video I made for him earlier this year.

So I have to admit, I’ve never been a holiday person. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, even Valentine’s Day. They have never really been my scene. I know what you’re thinking–what kind of kid doesn’t like Christmas? It’s just never been all that appealing to me. Over-marketing, or something. Who knows.

But there is one exception to this rule, and that would be Halloween. By far, Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, the only holiday I could usually get through without tears. In fact, I have no shame is admitting that I went trick-or-treating (in full costume) until I was 20. In fact, I would have no problem continuing to trick-or-treat except for the fact that (1) Andrew, my trick-or-treat buddy says were not allowed to anymore and (2) even if he would, he doesn’t still look twelve like me and, finally (3) I can no longer eat candy, although that honestly wouldn’t stop me.

So what is a girl to do?

Well, even though we won’t be trick-or-treating this year, I still plan on fully enjoying my Halloween. I work until 7, unfortunately, but besides that we’ll be dressing up and having an awesome time first at my parents Halloween party, and then hopefully heading over to Halifax to Andrew’s and going downtown to celebrate like the legal-drinking adults we are with some dancing and who knows what else. I’ve never spent a Halloween partying (okay, except once, but that was a couple days before).

So I’ve been scracthing my head, trying to figure out what possibly Andrew and I could be. My sister and her boyfriend fiance are going as the Joker and Harley Quinn, and suggested that we go as Batman and Batgirl, which I seriously considered except trying to come up with a costume would have been hard and complicated. My Mom bought a preists costume last year, and suggested that Andrew go as a preist and I go as a Catholic school girl. Again, I just wasn’t feeling it. I had considered maybe being a Griecan goddess, but it still didn’t feel right to me. A bunch of other ideas passed through my head: Alice and the Mad Hatter. Cat and Devil. Pirates. But nothing was just right…

And then it hit me, the perfect costumes.

It’s perfect. And Andrew loves the idea and I honestly can’t wait. This is why I love Halloween, why it’s my favorite holday. For one night you can be anyone you want to be, and I’m going to be my ultimate fashion icon.

You know, I find it funny when people ask me what I am going to school for, and I respond “English”. Almost always the first reaction is “Oh, you want to be a teacher?” I’ve gotten this so much over the last four years of university that I’ve almost considered the idea of going into education, of becoming an English teacher. It’s not that I don’t think it would be something I would enjoy, or probably be good at. I used to teach my stuffed animals the alphabet all the time when I was younger. It’s just that being a teacher isn’t my dream.

And yet, most of the time, I never correct people when they make the assumption I’m going to school, studying English, so that I can someday become an English teacher. It’s not that at all. I’m going to school, I’m studying English because I love English, and the written word is my passion. And someday, in the not too off future, I plan to be able to hold my own novel in my hands. All my life, the only thing I’ve probably been 100% certain about is writing, is my writing, is creating stories and characters and an entirely different world. Writing has been there for me since before I could even write words, creating stories through crayon pictures.

And to be honest–I have been published.

My first elementary school in Trenton would have a young authors workshop every year, and encourage the students to write stories, and both publish and share them with the other students. I do believe my best work was a story about my pet bird at the time escaping his cage, and my neighbor kidnapping him. I was eight years old, and all I knew was when I grew up, I was going to write stories and if I was really lucky, then people would want to buy and read them.

I’m pretty sure that eight-year-old version of me would be incredibly disappointed if she knew that I was scared of admitting to the world that I have no other plan. All I want to do is write, to create stories, and maybe someday be published for real. There are no back ups, no plans if this doesn’t work out. This is what I want, this is what I’ve always wanted, and I’m not going to push that away anymore, to be scared of what people might think.

Sure, I might end up a starving artist, but you know what—I’ll be happy.

I just thought I would share the pictures finally uploaded from my birthday.

So for the first time since August I went out last night with friends. To be honest, when I got home from work, I was not looking forward to it. My hair was a mess and I was feeling unattractive and I honestly considered not even going. But the thing is, that’s where I get into trouble. Part of the reason I feel so lonely is because I do cut myself off from people and it’s something I need to get away from.

And in the end, I’m really glad I went. I think had I stayed home I would have really regretted it.

There were reasons I’ve been away from my friends for a while–it was something I had to do to figure things out. But now I realize that I think I’m okay to be able to go out and have a couple drinks with friends, to go dancing, to dress up and take pictures and laugh and joke around. Seeing Ella and Malory and Nick and Kyle last night just made me feel happy. Dressing up and dancing around made me feel happy. And I really hope I get to go out again soon.

I just wish I had pictures of my awesome outfit from last night.

I stole this from Ev’yan, so I thought I would fill this out since I don’t have much on my brain right now.

The rules of the “MeeMee” are:
1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

I have an unnatural obsession with realty television. My favorites are (in order of preference)–Intervention, America’s Next Top Model & X-weighted. I’m not sure exactly why I love these shows, but I do, especially intervention. Thank goodness for Youtube.

I have always, and will always, love Britney Spears. Christina was cool, but when I was a kid I was all about Britney, and even though she went a little crazy, I can’t help but enjoy listening to her music–past, present and probably future. “Womanizer, you’re a womanizer…”

I’ve wanted to own a Mac computer since I was like 12. It was always my dream to own a Mac, and create my stories on it. My dream was to own a tangerine iMac which I always thought were the coolest. When I finally bought my Macbook last summer, it was more exciting than I ever let on because it was a dream come true. And my purple Mac case made it that much prettier.

I can still fit into a dress I wore when I was six. No joke. It’s shorter and I have to wear a shirt under it, but for the most part it still fits me. And I kind of love that.

Batman is my favorite superhero. When I was a kid I always wanted to be Catwomen and my favorite Cartoon was Batman: the animated series. I also saw The Dark Knight 3 times in theater but I was hoping to see it six. And if you’ve seen the movie, I hope you got the reasoning behind that, haha.

I absolutely adore grocery shopping, which seems funny because it’s so hard for me to eat sometimes, but the grocery store is probably one of my favorite places in the whole world. When me and my best guy friend Nick-o used to hang out, we would seriously spend an hour walking around the grocery store together. Weird, but also fun.

And since I can’t think of anyone to tag–that and my blog repertoire is pretty minimal–I’ll leave this for anyone who wants to steal it to steal it and reveal random facts about yourself.

Oh, and finally I thought I would post a clip from Reefer Madness: the musical which I have been playing on my birthday present from Andrew since Wednesday night (oh, did I mention I have the best boyfriend ever?). Seriously, if you haven’t seen this movie WATCH IT! It’s hilariously funny, and everyone loves a musical. My only warning is that it will get stuck in your head:

So the day finally came. No amount of running away, pretending, or staying in bed (and pajamas) as long as possible can excuse the fact–I am 22 years old today.

And the shocking truth is: it’s not so bad.To be honest one of the things that made me excited for today was a text message, which woke me up this morning, from my best friend wishing me the best day ever and telling me she can’t wait to see me this weekend and celebrate. It was the best way I could have woken up this morning, and it left me–I’ll admit it–excited.

I mean I’m still not a fan of my birthday but so far today, my day hasn’t sucked that much. I got a hair cut and bought a salad, and visited worked wearing a tiara where my mother took pictures. We also ordered our Japanese dinner for tonight (sashimi, yum). It’s low key, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This weekend we’re going out for drinks, and I’m hoping that it works out and that it’s fun.I have the cutest dress, which can make you excited for any event.

My sister bought me the most beautiful presents; a pair of leather mittens, a beautiful light purple scarf and a beautiful black shirt I may just wear this evening. And she made me a beautiful silver and red bead bracelet which I just ADORE. It suits me perfectly, and it’s nice to know I’m thought of.

So I’m going to try and be happy, I’m going to try and have some fun.

That’s right–I said fun.

Although, I had to admit, this birthday would be more wonderful if the conservatives hadn’t won a STRONGER minority, and people had–I don’t know–actually gotten out and voted. I wish people understood just how important elections are, and just how important voicing your opinion is.

I realize that lately I’ve been all full of doom and gloom. And alas, today continues to be one of those days. I fully intended to write an entry about the things I was thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day. Unfortunately, this morning we received a call we were regretfully waiting for. My Uncle James, who has been struggling with cancer for as long as I can remember but always remained strong, passed away this morning. And as I write that I’m crying again, so I’m realizing that this might be a lot harder to write than I thought it would be.

I’m trying to concentrate on happy things, to not think how much I hate cancer and, now, hate Thanksgiving. The last time I saw my uncle was as we were heading up to Dalhousie, and it was so hard because he looked so sick, and so frail. And that is not how I want to remember my Uncle. But the thing was, even as we sat in the living room talking, he still sounded so hopeful. And even though he looked so sick, he didn’t let it get him down, at least not in front of us.

This October is not wonderful. Not wonderful at all.

But I’m going to hold onto the happy things with everything I had, because in the end it’s best to think about those things over the bad things. I’ll think about how he was always saying he could see me being on television as a reporter, a “star”. I’ll think about the way that even yesterday, as he sat in his hospital bed, he was talking about how much he liked “my guy”, and how he told my grandmother that he thought he was a really nice young man and a good choice for me to make. I’ll think about the ten years worth of pajama pants I have tucked into my dresser from him, his yearly tradition. Because those things will always mean more to me than I can even say.

RIP uncle James. ♥

Oh yeah, and fuck you Thanksgiving, you horrible bringer of death.