awkward smiles and drunk confessions…

By the time you read this, I will (hopefully) be sitting at Andrew’s cottage in the sunshine and heat, drink in hand, probably exhausted from a 6:30am flight. This is my last entry before my vacation, and I will be back in about two weeks with both stories and pictures.

I thought before I left I would do something fun and cute. You know me, I can never turn down a survey. Both your wishcake, Apricot Tea and Kyla Roma have done this, so I’m also jumping on the always-sometimes-never bandwagon as well.

I always…

• have a story brewing inside my head, even if it’s just to pass the time on the bus, or never gets written down. I was the most magnificent liar storyteller when I was a kid.
• take too many pictures in the moment, because I want to remember every second.
• hoped I would have an epic love story at a young age, but never realized how truly lucky I would get with the boy who loves me.
• wanted to be a writer. Always.
• forgive too easily, even though I know (from past experience) the same thing is probably going to happen over, and over again.
• choose Frank Sinatra, classic rock, or songs from my past over whatever is currently popular on the radio.

I sometimes…

• dance as though no one is watching, busting a move in public places like the grocery store and it always embarrasses whoever I’m with.
• buy clothes I’ll probably never have the opportunity to wear, just because they’re too beautiful to pass up.
• get frustrated I don’t have the same willpower and determination for exercise I had when I was fourteen (even though I was scary obsessed with it and spent hours a day exercising that summer.)
• get jealous of the people around me getting engaged because I’m so ready for Andrew and I to take that step. But I understand why it’s not the right time.
• wish I had the bravery to just sign up for dance classes because I want to learn how to really dance, but I’m too scared of looking like an idiot in front of strangers.
• miss my old, super long hair. But I am so in love with short hair lately, it’s okay. If worse comes to worse, I can always save up and buy hair extensions.

I never…

• like to leave a store without buying something. It’s weird, but I have this fear that if I don’t people will think I’m stealing. Andrew’s slowly breaking me of this habit, but it used to be pretty bad (and expensive!)
• thought I’d be this relaxed about getting on an airplane without Andrew standing beside me, holding my hand, telling me to breathe.
• can turn down a shot of Jack Daniels. And it surprises people how well I can handle it, considering I’m pretty small, and two glasses of wine usually gets me beyond tipsy.
• sleep the recommended 8 hours of sleep a night. Either I go to bed too late, or I wake up too early, or both. It’s a bad habit, and I really wish I could learn to sleep more soundly.
• wonder “if” Andrew and I are going to make it. Our relationship, and future, is one of the only things I’ve ever been a hundred percent solid and certain about.
• want to truly grow up. It’s probably part of the reason I’m so attracted to writing (and reading) young adult stories. Even when I do grow up, get married, have babies, I still hope I can find that youthful spark inside of myself, and keep it alive.

It’s been a long time since I went on vacation.

The last time I went on a true vacation was a couple years ago where I spent a week at a cottage in PEI. That trip was different, however, because I was with my own family and we drove, not flew which meant I wasn’t as limited in what I brought. Plus, we were only gone about 5 days. I’ve never had to fly anywhere on vacation for this long. So I’ve spent a good chunk of this week trying to come up with a list of what I should pack. There are the obvious: Macbook & computer cord, blow dryer, complete bathing suit collection, ipod, sunscreen & straw hat and of course my camera. But what I’m having trouble going through is the rest of my closet. What the hell does one pack for a trip to a cottage?

I recently read Pink Crush’s Cottage Survival Guide she posted a little while ago which obviously game me helpful ideas, but even still I’m having trouble deciding what to bring. I know I need bathing suit cover ups–sarongs mostly–and summer dresses just because I would much rather wear a summer dress over a jeans or shorts any day. I’ll need some outdoorsy clothing, since I have no doubt Andrew will try and take me hiking through the woods to explore. And then there is just-lounging-around-clothes, and out-on-the-boat-clothes and going-into-town-clothes. There is a whole process to getting dressed, and even though I’ll be in the middle of Ontario I still want to be me and be able to get dressed having fun.

Suddenly I’m feeling as though I should put on Sex and the City, season two, the episode where the girls go to the Hamptons in order to have packing inspiration. Because if anyone can help me figure out how to pack for my summer vacation, Carrie Bradshaw definitely can–no one does city-girl-in-the-country better than her.

Sometimes, I can be opinionated. I know, right? I look like such a nice girl. But under my nice girl extieror lies a girl with a mouth on her. And when I form an opinion about something, it isn’t easy for me to let go.

I’m from Cole Harbour, which–according the the sign up the street from me–is “The Home of Sidney Crosby!” Okay, so I knew that already. But now the whole world knows because it’s on not just one, but two signs stating the fact. And most people know that Sidney Crosby is the captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins which just recently won the Stanley Cup. Yey! But what most people don’t seem to remember is that only two years ago, the cup was here as another Colby Kid–Joe Dipenta–brought it home when the Anaheim Ducks won. And I’ve always been unnerved by the fact that Sidney Crosby has been the wonder kid of Cole Habour (which, yes, he has more than earned), while Joe Dipenta got nothing. It just doesn’t seem fair to me. Now I don’t know Joe Dipenta, and his sister wasn’t exactly nice to me in Junior High, but the way I see it, if you’re going to show extreme support for one home town hero, then you shouldn’t forget the other. Especially if he’s the one who accomplished the feat first. Sidney is an awesome hockey player, no denying that. But the way Cole Harbour treats him as though he’s a god is (and no one has ever played hockey before) really annoys me.

My letter unfortuantely is not on the website BUT I thought I would share what I wrote here anyways:

I feel it’s important to start with a disclaimer: I am not trying to take away from anyone’s big moment. It’s quite the opposite.

The other day as I was driving home, I once again took a look at the “Welcome Cole Harbour: Home of Sidney Crosby” sign at the head of Caldwell road. Since the beginning that sign has unnerved me, but seeing the “Congratulations Sidney, we’re proud of you” once again annoyed me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Sidney Crosby is an amazing hockey player, and he has deserved everything he’s gotten, maybe even more. I can’t wait for him to bring the Cup to Cole Harbour. What annoys me about the sign is that I really believe it should read: “Welcome Cole Harbour: Home of Sidney Crosby AND Joe Dipenta”. Have people forgotten only two years ago Joe Dipenta was the first to bring the Stanley Cup to Cole Harbour? He deserves to know that the place he grew up is just as proud of him as they are Sidney!

I know this will probably be a very unpopular opinion, but we should respect all our hometown heroes.

–Shannon White. Dartmouth, Nova Scotia.

I totally know that some people will call me a Grinch, but I really feel like it was time for someone to say something as I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. And thankfully, I’m going away. Besides, who actually reads the paper anymore (well, excluding me. I adore reading the paper). Personally I don’t really care if someone is offended. I think I was nice, fair, and unbiased. And that’s all you can do, right? Although I found it hilarious this morning when driving by the above sign I saw a couple people having their picture taken by the sign.

Oh, and I also have a new haircut to hide my truth idenity.

Sassy hair, for a sassy girl.

New Black Urban Behavior Cardigan. Multi-coloured maxi Siren’s dress. My favorite sparrow necklace. Multi-coloured beaded bracelet made by my sister. Chunky flower ring from Claire’s.

Another work inspired outfit. Getting dressed for work has been an interesting expirence. So far it has been a lot of black and white, although I did wear a pink shirt yesterday (and blue suspenders last week!). It’s much different from New Classic where I could wear whatever I wanted be it shorts, jeans, or a funky little dress. However, I have been paying close attention to how my co-workers dress, and I believe that this choice will be a solid one. I found this maxi dress a couple weeks ago and instantly fell in love with it. It was the price ($10) which tipped me over the edge and made me HAVE to buy it. In fact, I bought it just hours before I found out Claire’s had hired me. Go figure. Maybe it’s my lucky charm? It’s comfy, it’s cute, and it’s colourful. What is there not to love?

One week.

One whole week until I am in Ontario, back in Andrew’s arms. You have no idea how much I can’t wait for this week to quickly pass. Which makes it unfortunate I only work a total of 6 hours this week (2:30-5:30 tomorrow; 2:30-5:30 Wednesday). I actually can’t believe that it’s amost here. First off, this is going to be the first time I’ve been on an airplace since I was 11 months old. Secondly this is going to be my first real vacation in longer than I can even remember. Two whole beautiful weeks to soak in the sunshine, and get to know Andrew’s family even better. And me, being me, I can’t help but already think about what I’m going to wear, what I’m going to bring. From what Andrew has explained to me, it’s basically going to be two weeks where I will wear a bathing suit straight. And while I haven’t quite made it up to 500 crunches per day yet–I miss the days where it came so easily//I was more obsessed with working out–I’m still trying to sneak them in where ever possible. I still haven’t tried my power yoga DVD yet, but only because I spent yesterday in a appletini hangover haze, and today I worked 12:30-7 without even a break. I did however pack running shoes for the cottage, and Andrew says he’ll try and get me out jogging which I would adore. I’m serious about this working out thing, more serious than I’ve been in a long, long time.

Which hopefully means when I do get back from my two week vacation, and blogging hiatus, I will have no qualms about posting pictures where I’m wearing a bathing suit. Me, a bikini? No big deal at all. A girl can dream, right?

And just for fun, a picture which basically sums up my Friday Thursday night: blurry, just like my memory of the evening. The next day may have been… rough. But trust me, great times were had, and I enjoyed every appletini soaked moment. Who would have thought I would have so much fun with my little sister and friends? I have so many pictures on my camera from the last week or so I have yet to most. I’m sure on of these days I’ll do a massive and-this-has-been-my-summer-so-far-in-pictures post, but until then I leave you me, and my fellow dancing queen Shane, enjoying our Smirnoff Ice (light) laced with rockstar burner. And yes, those are my fabulous pleather tights I don’t get to wear nearly enough.

Brand new vest–Lisa International (bought at Winners for $8). Black Xhilartion t-shirt. Blue jean shorts. Dollar store aviators.

This is my new sweater vest I bought at Winners on Wednesday when Andrew and I had our mall date. I actually scoped it out when I went to the mall with Alicia but decided against it. However, when I was shopping with Andrew I decided I really decided I wanted it. It’s quirky. The front is really long and the back it’s a lot shorter. This outfit ended up being the outfit for Sushi at Hamachi with Andrew for his going away dinner and also drinks with my sister and her friends (although replaced jean shorts with pleather tights). This sweater is funky because there are lots of things you can do with it: normal, tied, pined in the back. Love it! And also love that the sun has returned. There is nothing better then sunshine.

ps. I’m nervous about putting these pictures out there… me in shorts. Nerve-effing-wracking. My thighs, aside from my stomach, are my biggest trouble areas. But today is day one of me starting a new exercise regiem and that also includes returning to 500 crunches a day! It’ll be hard at first, but a week until bikinis everyday means me needing to feel good about my body. And that includes lunges, squats and crunches. Lots of them.

You know what can always simultaneously make me feel old and freak me out: when people my age get married, have children, or both. I mean, I’m twenty-two years old, so it really shouldn’t be that shocking. But considering I still feel about 16 some days, it kind of freaks me out to see all these people doing grown up things: buying houses, and getting married, and having kids.

Like, take for example, I just found out an ex-boyfriend of mine (not a serious ex-boyfriend) has a kid now. This is the second ex-boyfriend I’ve found out has a kid, and I only have 3 ex-boyfriends total. I’m not sure why this completely freaks me, but it does. It’s the epitome of mind-blowing because it makes me realize that I am growing up. That I’m getting older. That someday I’m going to be the one buying a house, getting married, and, yes, having children. Right now is this inbetween place for me. I’m living at home, in the protection of my parents. But if this week they’ve been away has taught me anything, someday I’m going to have myself to rely on. There will be no parents to drive me places, or pick me up. To buy me groceries. To pay my phone bill for me. No, someday I will be on my own, or taking care of myself and, eventually, other people. And I think that is what really freaks me out about seeing people around me living so independently–growing up is inevitable. As much as never-neverland seems like it could be a wonderful place to live, eventually you have to put on your grown up pants, and take care of yourself.

I love dreaming about living with Andrew someday, and what our lives are going to be like, the house we’re going to live in, ect. But in all honesty those are just dreams. Eventually, yes, those dreams will come true, but there is no time limit on that. It could happen in a year, or ten. But whenever I find out something like a girl I went to high school with is engaged, or married, or has a kid–especially the ones I was closer to in high school–then I instantly start to wonder if those are things I should be concerned about having. Even when I find out people have their own places, I can’t help but wonder if that is something I should be planning for. I know someday I should move out, but I never really seriously think about it. It isn’t until I get hit with one of these real-world reminders that I start questioning if I should be planning for moving out. And then, suddenly, it’s all I can think about.

Sigh, I guess this really is growing up.

Me, with a baby. Can you even imagine?

(my little cousin, Parker– cicra 2003)

I’m still practically a baby myself!

This is the first real chance I’ve had to update since Saturday morning which I guess isn’t that long of a time frame, but rather just feels that long.

I know I’ve been talking about my lack of a social life a lot, and how depressed it’s been making me lately. And lonely. But something I have discovered is how much more I enjoy hanging out with Andrew and his friends. They’re seriously a blast. But I know that I also need my own friends–you can’t just drink with the boys all the time. Friday night Alicia and Yuki were supposed to come over, but Friday morning I woke up unable to speak and exhausted. I really was just not up to hanging out that night which I felt bad about, but I would have passed out while everyone else was awake, so I decided it was better to rest than be a bore. And I was right. However I remembered that Alicia had said that she was off on Saturday, so after inviting her and Yuki over for a predrinking barbecue on Saturday night, I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she said yes. You have no idea how scary it was–I’ve never been good with initiating plans, but it felt good.

Then promptly passed out in bed beside Andrew.

You know, there really is nothing better than waking up beside the one you love. Nothing. Certain things come close, but it wins hands down.

Saturday was completely crazy. There was the mall, and sales. A Cinnamon Dolce Soy Cappucino from Starbucks. A barbecue where I had two amazing Sol Cuisine veggie burgers barbecued extra saucey by Andrew (completely forgot how very much I adore them. Buying them for the cottage is going to be a must.)  Fruit salad, which didn’t actually end up getting eaten. And then a fun night with a group of engineers on the balcony at the Ale House chatting and laughing. Oh, and if the creeper who was chatting with me found this blog (totally thought he was one of Andrew’s engineer friends. Apparently no one knew who he was but we had a nice debate about blogging)… hi random creeper.

After a $30 cab ride home, we all crashed. And the morning after was wonderful. Wonderful, but hungover. Which was a blast when I was trying to find something to wear to work.

I’m feeling better about things. The mall is still the mall, but I remembered there is a Perks downstairs and they don’t charge extra for soy milk It’s still so much to take in, but I think I’m finally getting the hang of things. I hope I’m getting the hang of things. I don’t work again until Saturday which should be a good distraction. Andrew’s leaving on Thursday for his drive to Ontario, and we’ll meet him up there on the 18th. Besides working, I have no idea what I’m going to do while he’s away. Maybe I’ll have to make effort to make plans. It’s scary, but it just takes practice.

White Wal-mart T-shirt. Black Vest thrifted from sister. Checked Le Chateau dress pants. Sparrow Necklace.

It’s still raining. I’m scared it’s never going to stop raining. I think there are calls for sun on Monday, but who knows. I’m starting to forget what the sun even looks like. Summer this is not.

This was my first-day-of-training-and-work outfit from Thursday. Not knowing the dresscode yet, I wanted to wear something basic, but also with a bit of Shannon flare. Claire’s is cool–it’s different, definitely, and I’ve spent 2 days watching videos and writing quizzes, but I like it. I learn ear piercing tomorrow. Me with an ear piercing gun, can you even imagine. Yesterday’s out, which unfortunately I have no pictures of, was also very black (note to self: remember color!) but it was cute, and I snuck in a pair of baby blue suspenders from Claire’s since you’re always supposed to wear the items you’re selling. And, with everything I own, that should not be a problem!

In other news, my parents are currently away in Calgary which is fun because I like seeing what it takes to take care of myself since I won’t be living here forever but, at the same time, is also hard because for one, I don’t drive (thank god for buses!) and, second, it’s just my sister and I. This might be too personal of a reveal, but if I can’t speak my mind here where can I speak my mind. My sister has an eating disorder, bulimia to be more specific. And while every day is obviously bad when it comes to her and food, when my parents are away, it is so much worse. She has no one to stop her from making an entire box of chicken fingers in the middle of the night after already eating an entire box of garlic fingers, noodles, two of those hot stuffs, and go knows what else. And while I know I shouldn’t be babysitting here–and it’s the last thing I want to worry about doing–I still find myself watching her, and feeling helpless. Sometimes I just wish she would be more sneaky about it so I could stop worrying. One day down, 6 days to go.

Wow, that wasn’t what I wanted to turn this entry into, but I had to get it out.

In happy news: tonight we’re having friends over for dinner and drinks, and then we’re going out for a reunion with Andrew’s school friends. The rain is unfortunate, but never the less I plan on wearing something cute and fabulous.