School starts in exactly a week. A week. Whoa.
When I was younger, I used to get so excited for the idea of going back to school because it was a new beginning and all the other crap that had happened before was instantly erased, as though it had never even happened… okay, so maybe that’s not true. But it was honestly what I believed, and gave me hope that maybe this year, things would be different, better. I’d get a new hair cut, but some new clothes–or try to figure out something to do with my old clothes–and spend the night before trying to figure out how to look perfect. Maybe television had skewed my perspective, but I honestly believed if I could just look perfect then maybe things would be different, maybe life really would be like tv.
The summer between grade 9, and middle school, and grade 10, my first year of high school, was when the change really happened. Grade 9, I had found myself weighing the most I ever weighed: 168 pounds. By the time I had started grade 10, I was 108 pounds. Over the course of the summer I had lost 60 pounds and people instantly noticed. This time, it was almost like I really was a different person. People could barely recognize me. A new beginning, a new start. But even then, things weren’t how I imagined and High School wasn’t how I imagined. I guess my expectations of starting over brand new were… silly. This is High School were talking about.
Anyways, here I am again, a week away from back to school, and I have that same excitement I always get. My mind drifts to this year, and what I’m going to wear on the first day, and how exciting everything is. I have the itch to clean my room–actually, it’s more than an itch, I just have to get around my allergies–and to get organzied, and to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. For some reason, that has always been my back to school show of choice. I wonder what that says about me? At least I’m no longer wishing that school was like on Buffy the Vampire Slayer… kinda.
Even still, I have that silly excitement, a whole curiosity for how the year is going to go. I could gush for hours about everything–Andrew and his own apartment, my awesome classes, attempting to have more of an active, healthy, social life…
Instead, I’m going to put on Buffy, get out of bed, and start to clean my room. Old habits die hard.