This is one more sleepless night…


I feel like screaming. I feel like shouting. I feel… so frustrated. This should be an entry about back-to-school, about how exciting and scary and awesome the whole experience was–for possibly the last time–and yet it’s not going to be. Instead, something else has taken over my brain and threatens to drive me crazy. And considering I may start to have more free time on my hands… going crazy probably isn’t a good option right now.

To be honest, I’m not sure if I should even be talking about this, but if I don’t… well if I don’t then it’s just going to stir and stew in my brain and I’ve already thought about it way too much, so hence, I’m writing about it.

Yesterday, I walked into work, ready for just another Friday shift, and my co-worker J. pulled me aside. Actually, she told me she needed to talk to me about something “later”, and from the tone in her voice I knew it was something serious. So immediately I went to the back to talk to her, and she explained everything. That someone had come in on Wednesday, after I had left, and explained to her that my store is in trouble, and that as things are right now, it may not be open much longer. I knew we were closing in December, but this is more serious. So all day Friday I sat, just thinking about it, what was going to happen. And then the big boss came in again, and right to the back to J. All I could think was “this is it. this is the end.” I may not have a big list of bills to pay, and my parents did provide a lot for me, but still if I was going to be out of a job then, things would still change. I’m trying to save so that maybe I can move out next year, and if I don’t have money–or an income–then the money I’ve already saved will go to paying my cell bill, ect. Not exactly the way I’ve planned things.

I spent a good hour, just trying to eavesdrop. To see what was about to happen. Apparently, our big boss was supposed to meet with my other bosses, and they never showed up. NEVER SHOWED UP. They know just as well as the rest of us that there business is in trouble, and they just don’t show up? Remember what I said about screaming… this is one of those moments.

According to J. (who honestly, is one of my favorite people, and I’m so glad she is here to share this with me, because I don’t know what I would do otherwise) the big boss told her that they can completely save things until December, but only if they only get in contact with him and get this whole thing figured out. And for now, we’ll definitely be open until at least Tuesday. After that though… well, I guess it’s any body’s guess. He told her not to leave anything there, just in case. I guess if they do come in, then that’s it. No one else will be able to get in to get their stuff back, or anything. I work at 9 am on Wednesday, so I’d like to know what’s going to happen. Not knowing if I’m supposed to be opening a store that is no longer open… it’s a tad freak-some. Not having control over any of this is just… well it pisses me off, greatly.

And until Wednesday, I guess there is nothing I can really do. I have class until 9pm on Tuesday so I really will not know until I show up there Wednesday morning. And I can tell you right now that this is going to be the ONLY thing on my mind until then. Let’s see me try and get through school on Tuesday without a mini mental breakdown.

I guess the only thing I can do is hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and check to see if anyone around here is hiring. As much as I hate that thought, what else am I supposed to do? Trust me, curling up and crying in a corner is not going to help anything. I’ve already tried that.


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