So last night I managed to not only stay awake past 10:30, but go out with Andrew to his work party and have an awesome time. Stuff like that is always hard for me, especially when I’m surrounded by people I don’t know. Hell, stuff like that is hard for me when I’m surrounded by people I do know, so strangers is even more terrifying. I’m not sure if it’s shyness, or anxiety, or maybe a mix of the two, but situations with lots of people always makes me feel like I should remain on the outside, just watching and observing. All it takes is one person I don’t know in a group of my closest friends, and suddenly I don’t remember how to talk.
But I did find a cure to this last night–Scene It.
Well, this was the xbox 360 version, but I definitely think this is a game I want to pick up. It’s really fun, and okay, maybe I won. By a lot. Either away, it definitely shook me out of my shyness, at least temporarily. I found my self laughing, and joking, and okay… maybe I was a little cocky. But I did kind of kick ass, so in the end I think it’s all okay. Right?
But last night also did spark something else. Well, it wasn’t just last night, but it kind of cemented how I’ve been feeling lately. I miss my friends. It’s been since early August since I’ve seen anyone, and I’m realizing more and more that I miss hanging out and having fun. Of course I don’t want to repeat a lot of the things that happened this summer, but I want to be social again. I miss the nights of getting dressed and going out and laughing and having a good time. I miss the nights of dancing, and drinks and taking way too many pictures. It’s not like I intentionally cut everyone out of my life, it was just something I had to do at the time to clear my mind. And now–now I feel like I’m ready to be able to have fun again. That I can handle being around people again, and know that I’m not going to make the same mistakes I did. The summer is behind me, and so is everything I was feeling.
With Andrew over at his apartment a lot, and our time together not as rampant as it used to be, I know that I need to get back into my social circle. It’s important I don’t let myself just lock myself up in my bedroom, hiding from the world, like I did a lot of last year. I need to find my balance again, I need to get dressed up, order a fancy drinks, and just dance. And laugh. And take way too many silly pictures.