I’m listening to Jack Johnson’s “Do you Remember?” and thinking, sappily, about my dear boyfriend. We’re one month–well, technically, 29 days–short of our 5 year anniversary, which is just absolutely crazy to think about. 5 years. Half a decade. I mean, some marriages don’t even last that long, and yet, he and I are together still, in love still, crazy//silly//nerdy still. And it’s funny to think that today, five years ago, I had absolutely no idea what the future would hold, or who the future would hold. It really emphasizes that idea that your life can change in just one moment.
The truth is, five years ago I was sixteen years old, in my last year of high school, and still feeling extremely hurt by a boy that I thought I had loved, the first boy I ever thought I had loved. And I never thought that I could ever love someone again after everything that happened. This time, five years ago, (well, technically, the Diaryland entry was written just after midnight on the 27th) I was still writing about my ex-boyfriend, and still believing that what we had was love:
I hate the fact that now suddenly I’m thinking about him. I mean me and elle sat on her front porch talking about the “hims” in our lives, past present and future. I was able to talk about alot of things that I just hadn’t been able to talk about in such a long time cause I was repressing them, not wanting to have to deal with them.
The truth is, I still love him. Well not “him” exactly but who he was before he invoked cocky “i-have-sex-everyday” guy. I don’t like that guy, because I really don’t care who he’s prolly going to end up knocking up. Personally I’ve been there, done that, got both the t-shirt and the hickey. (lol.. isn’t that awesome)
He is not the same that I knew and love, and I guess that is part of the problem. (27.09.03.)
Who would have thought that in only a week or so, I would meet Andrew, and my world as I knew it would completely shift. That I would go from thinking about the only boy I ever thought I loved, to thinking about the only boy I know now I could ever love. To me, it’s amazing to think about. Absolutely amazing. So much has changed in five years, especially me, but the two of us. I think we’re still the same people we were when we first started talking, planning on running away to an island free from math, to live forever in a treefort made of pillows.
I woke up beside him this morning, and I have never felt happier.
I’m just so in love with him, with every part of my being. I have never loved someone more, and it’s the most amazing feeling. And knowing that he loves me back–well, there is nothing better than that either. I love the way he looks at me, I love the way he protects me. I love the way when we sleep we link our feet together, even if we’re sprawled out on different sides of the bed. I just love everything. It makes me wish I could forget about work, and he could forget about work, and we could just spend a whole weekend locked in his apartment, together. Maybe I’ll just have to wait until our five year anniversary on the 24th of October.
I can’t wait to find out what five years from today will feel like, or what the future holds.