I keep thinking times will never change, keep on thinking things will always be the same.

The countdown begins…

In exactly two weeks, I am no longer going to have a job. Especially after the last couple months, I was getting anxious to be for the first time in over a year and a half. Between school, and work, there was a serious lack of fun and freetime in my life. There is a large part of me which cannot wait for that moment to breathe–I’m going to take a writing workshop. I’m going to start cooking more. I’m actually going to get to spend time with Andrew without falling asleep within the first five minutes of showing up at his house. I’m going to be able to keep my life organized without feeling overwhelmed with everything. I’m actually excited because I have this plan to go through my wardrobe and document everything I own, which will make getting dressed (and feeling fabulous) much easier every morning. There are so many things that I’m excited to get to do, even just being able to curl up with a good book, go to a movie, or sit on the couch and listen to music.

But, no matter how much I am excited for what 2009 is going to bring, I also feel almost sad about everything.

I think the best thing to compare it to is graduating from High School. You can’t wait to graduate, to get out into the “real” world, but there is also something so sad about everything. You know that you’re going to miss the people, even the ones who are beyond infuriating. You know you’re going to miss coming there everyday, even when it’s cold, when it’s early, when you just don’t want to. And so, no matter how excited you are for what comes next, you get sad when you think about it actually being over.

I’m really going to miss my job, stresses and all. Because in the end, it was a turning point in my life. When I first got this job (the first job I ever got that I could on my own, without knowing someone) I was suffering from severe anxiety and I remember bursting into tears in the parking lot on my first day because I was terrified. I was scared of not doing a good job. I was scared of screwing up. I was terrfied by the thought of just talking to people. And now saying goodbye to all of that–the people I see almost everyday, my co-workers that have made me laugh and smile more than one, even just a job that I know so well.

It’s strange how scared and excited I feel at the same time.

But no matter what, I can’t see what 2009 is going to bring.


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