I feel really conflicted on what direction I should take this blog. When I first started it, it was after an especially rough summer, and I felt very hopeful that I could start over. My very first title came from The Postal Service’s “Be Still My Heart” and were happy, hopeful lyrics. It’s always been my place to write how I feel, and for the most part that was filled with happy-go-lucky fluffy stuff. But with recent events, there has been a definite shift in my life, in my attitude, and I’m just not sure how much do I really want to say? And do I even want to rehash everything–maybe it would just be easier to start over, fresh and clean, with no memories of the first eighteen months of this blog. You have no idea how much I debated deleting all my previous entries, and especially all the pictures where we looked happy–not to mention any discussion of my so called “friend”. In the end though, I’ve decided to leave it (at least for the time being), if only because it’s part of who I am, like it or not.
I just know what comes next is going to be very different. I’m going to be very different. They’ll be some scary moments, some sad moments, and–I can’t lie–probably some drunken moments. How much of this self discovery do I want to show the world? I’m going to mistakes, there is no doubt about that. But I’m also hoping I’m going to show the world just who I am, and what I can do. But do I focus strictly on that, or do I mention the other stuff–the breaking up stuff. Missing him, hating him, any discussions of them. That’s where the confusion starts all over again.
So the question remains: where do I go from here?