These words are my heart and soul.

A letter to the one who broke my heart.

3am, and I was up reading our old messages on Facebook. Part of me maybe thought they would remind me of the bad moments, of the fights, of the times when I felt so lost and scared. And that would make this–not talking, not existing in each others lives–easier. I said I wanted to pretend the last six years never happened, and yet I just can’t let go. I don’t want to think about you, to miss you, to still be crying over you. I don’t want to torture myself with your letters, and your promises that I would always be in your heart (you lied). I know this is for the better, that now I can be free, and I can find someone who loves all of me. Completely. But even still I hate you for killing us, for taking away my best friend, for taking away the only boy who knew me entirely. I hate you for making me question love, and if it’s ever really worth it. I hate you for lying to me everyday, for not telling me how you felt, for turning to someone else. I could have been there for you, I wanted to be there, and I would have listened. But you wouldn’t ever let me in–you pushed me away, you left me standing out in the cold. And now I’m alone, all alone, and I hate you for that. You filled my life, you made yourself my everything, and now I’m left with this huge gaping hole I just can’t seem to fill.

All I want is to understand why–why I was never good enough for you.

And I hate you for making me feel like I’ll never be good enough for anyone.


One response

  1. So it’s probably weird for you to get random comments from people you don’t know but I found your blog and was reading it and it’s really great writing. I’m sorry for what you’re going through – I’m going through a heartbreak right now too. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing “time heals all wounds” (I’m tired of hearing it too. ha) but it’s true. Having God helps too – I obviously don’t know you but if you haven’t tried Him before, I would recommend it. If you feel like “talking” I have contact information on my blog. You’re a beautiful writer, I would be happy to “listen”.

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