2 am and she calls me, ’cause I’m still awake. “Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? I don’t love him… winter just wasn’t my season.”

Have you ever felt so conflicted that you’re not quite sure which was is up? You literally feel like you’re going insane. That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. There is an ongoing battle between my head (logical) and and my heart (emotional). The logical part of me knows what happened between me and Andrew–our break up–was horrible and devastating. It almost destroyed me–regardless of how together I may have appeared on the outside. But my heart? Well, my heart forgets so easily.

The thing is–it’s not just Andrew I miss. I miss her. I miss my shopping and coffee buddy. I miss my friend (even though I know now that friendship was apparently based on a lie). This just makes me feel stupid. What she did was truly unforgivable. And my head will never forget, let alone forgive. But sometimes I wish I could forget–forget how angry I am. Forget I ever saw them together. Forget the person she really is. Forget that I ever loved Andrew.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ve just been disappointed far too often by my “best” friend lately. Maybe I’ve truly lost my mind. Or, maybe, this is just 2 am loneliness at it’s very worst, eating away at me. Regardless, I wish I could figure out a way to make it stop, for good. Or forget… forget everything. Once and for all.

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One response

  1. You definitely need a holiday. Nothing too extreme, just somewhere you feel comfortable and will boost your self esteem. Relationships (both those with a big and small R) are extremely complex, and the rules associated with break ups also apply to friend ‘break ups’. You don’t always have to deny your happy memories.

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