One of these days, I’ll be able to write nothing but happy things. Unfortunately, I have a feeling it won’t start until 2011 because 2010 is the year from hell.
I don’t think I have to remind how awful this year has been so far–far too full of loss, not just for my family (although we’ve had our fair share) but for almost everyone I know. And, sadly, there has been another blow: my Aunt was just diagnosed with what was described as “aggressive” breast cancer. Now, we don’t know very many of the details as she’s still undergoing tests, but it’s not good. And the worst part of all, and the thing that infuriates me beyond all measure of words, is that her doctor ignored the large lump for six months. That’s half a fucking year.
I don’t even know how to cope with this, and adding to all the stress I’ve felt in the last couple weeks–hell, the last couple months–I don’t think I’m coping entirely well. This isn’t some stranger, a woman on the street, this is my Aunt. This is the woman that was going to take care of my sister and I if anything, god forbid, had happened to my parents. And now… I want to be positive. I want to know in my heart that everything is going to be okay. But I’m so fucking terrified. And all I can think about is my poor cousin, who is Afghanistan right now–and not allowed to come home.
I feel so selfish saying this, but I can’t lose another person I love. I can’t do this again. My Aunt is one of the sweetest, most lively woman I’ve ever met. She selflessly took care of her own mother when she was slowly dying, and never looked back. I just don’t understand why this happens. She is a good person. I’m not saying bad people deserve this either, I’m just… I don’t understand.
And I’m going to ask that you keep her in your prayers.