And I seem to find the happiness I seek when we’re out there dancing cheek to cheek.

It really is kind of funny.

I can be a man-avoiding-boys-are-stupid-and-out-to-hurt-you-why-bother-with-love cynic one minute, but the second that I see two people in love, truly in love, I can’t fight my inner romantic. Because the truth is, when love is good–when it’s pure, and true, and undeniable–then it really is a beautiful thing to see.

Yesterday was the wedding of my really good friend Jenn. I’ve know Jenn for what seems ages now, and some of my fondest memories are the two of us curled up in the back of the bus, sharing stories about our relationships. And watching her and her now husband standing up at the altar, I couldn’t help but cry thinking back to those days, the way her face would light up whenever she talked about them, because they are truly in love. The two of them looked at each other, faces still lighting up just as much after 6 years together, and you can just see that nothing could ever possibly come between them. I’ve known both of them an incredibly long time, both individually and together, and I don’t know. It was just one of those moments as I sat there that made me think, you know? That relationships, love… it’s not so scary after all.

That’s not to say I’m immediately going to get back out there, and go searching for my next boyfriend. I truly believe you can’t go searching for love. It’s one of those things you have to let just happen… that hits you when you least expect it. But I know I’m going to stop trying to close myself off to the idea. I got hurt in the past, yes, and it sucked. But I’m not going to let that fact define my life. Just because one person hurt me just means he wasn’t right for me, and we weren’t right together. I can’t let my fear of getting hurt again control my life. No one wants to end up the crazy cat lady (or, in my case, bird lady).  But fear can hold you back.

But I’m not listening to mine anymore. And so far, not being scared… it feels good.

(This realization couldn’t have come at a better time as I still haven’t written my maid-of-honor speech. And I don’t think starting you “you guys almost make me believe love isn’t bullshit” was a good opener.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s