If you are alive then be truly alive… just open up your eyes pay attention to the signs; the color of the sky in this night.

The first of October–I can hardly believe it.

In truth though, I’m not exactly excited about this month. I’ve been losing my mind a bit just thinking about everything. Unfortunately I’m already fearing the memories this month will bring. I know it sounds silly to want a month over before it has even really began, but I do. I wouldn’t even mind fast forwarding through the next couple months and starting over new and fresh with a brand new year, all things considered. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that, and we have to make it through the rough times in order to truly appreciate the good moments.

October has always held a lot of things; it used to be my favorite month. After all, it boasts not only Halloween (which, hands down, is my favorite holiday) but my birthday as well. And, in times past, held an anniversary with a certain boy. But now when I think of October I can’t help but think of the death of close family members, of the fact my grandmother won’t be celebrating her birthday, of the fact that it would have been seven years.  My brain spins with so much negativity it makes me want to cry thinking of the fact there is still 30 more days left.

But I’m trying not to. I’m trying to be positive, to focus on the good things–like turning 24, and the chance for things to turn around (and that there is a boy in the background, promising to make it a good night). Like the fact that the Ataris–my all-time favorite band–will be playing in Halifax on the 27th. Like I’m going to be mother freaking Wonder Woman for Halloween, and if I do say so myself, look hot in my costume. And the fact that I’m braving the needle for another tattoo in just a couple weeks (the old school Bat Symbol, on my hip). All these things are good things, positive things. Things that I hope will make October a month to look back on and say: “damn, that was a good time.” Or just smile uncontrolably.

I know there are going to be moments that make want to cry–that’s part of life. But if I can survive the last 365 odd days, I think I can handle what ever October holds. Good, bad, and unknown.

27 days… oh man, 27 days. ♥

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One response

  1. wanting a month over before it even starts isn’t silly- i wrote probably over ten posts in september about why it’s so hard for me every year, and how badly i want the month to just be over. that’s normal.

    memories are hard, lady!

    i’m sending e-hugs your way

    xx

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