Two years ago, my life changed completely. In a big way. My grandmother, one of the most influential women in my life, passed away suddenly, and without notice. I remember that night like it was yesterday–it sticks with me, knocking me sideways when I have to realize just how much it shifted everything. I didn’t just lose my grandmother, I lost my innocence. While things around me were already changing in big ways, that was the beginning of one of my darkest periods. But it was also the beginning of my biggest growth.
Now, two years later, things keep shifting.
I’ve never been very good at handling change. I used to run from it, content to sail of a sea of the familiar. And yet, here I am, all grown up (or, so they say). And I’m jumping right in to these new, crazy changes, not even worrying if I’ll sink or swim.
I’m dating someone. I’ve been promoted at work. I’ll be out on my own in a matter of months. These are things I used to be scared–hell, terrified–of, and yet I’m excited for each and everyone. I haven’t dated anyone since I was seventeen, scared shitless at the idea of referring to someone as my “boyfriend” and yet here I am, giddy over a boy who makes me smile, and laugh, with no thoughts on what it could mean or if I might get my heart broken. I’m jumping into my new role and work, embracing my new found responsibility, excited for this chance to finally prove to the world: you know what, I kick ass. I’m being an adult, cutting ties with those who bring me down, and finally ready to make my grand debut into the real world (if only a little belated.)
And what’s the point of this spiel?
When I look back on that girl two years ago, I had no idea what was to come. I thought losing Granny was by far the worst thing that could ever happen, and oh boy, how wrong I was. But it proved something to me I will forever cherish–it finally showed me how strong I can be. And two years later, I am so grateful that I know now that I won’t crumble under pressure. Every choice may not be the right choice, and I’m going to fail–that’s all part of being human. But it’s what you do afterwards that counts. Because whatever comes after shows you just how strong you truly are.
And change? Well I totally got that.