A couple weeks ago, when the boy and I were fresh into spending time together, he looked at me and asked the most innocently loaded question one can ask: do you ever compare me to your ex-boyfriend?
At the time, the answer was simple–No, not ever. But the more we’ve spent together, and the more smitten I’ve gotten, that question continued to linger on my mind. It’s not that I consciously sit back, and mentally compare every kiss, every conversation, and everything else. But I couldn’t help but wonder if it’s almost impossible not to compare one relationship to another? After all, first loves are just that–the first. So maybe that means, regardless of the fact that you’ve moved on, you can’t help but find yourself remembering what falling in love felt like the first time.
When it comes to the boy, and this new whatever-it-is-we’re-doing, I don’t find myself comparing him to my first love. To me, it’s completely different, and it feels like everything up to now never even existed. And maybe that has something to do with the fact I’m no longer 17. Dating at 25 is a much different experience, once that still shocks me sometimes. First off, sleepovers? Especially nice when it doesn’t involve some complex lie about where you were the night before. But it’s more than that? There is no need to prove anything to anyone. No need to define exactly what is going on, or flaunting my relationship around to somehow prove something.
But then again, maybe that is comparing. Saying something isn’t like something is still a comparison, is it not? And that’s what has this question lingering, leaving me wondering. Never the less, I refuse to fret on the details, instead keen to just enjoy the little moments, enjoying the feeling of falling.