Its been a while since I wrote anything.
The last year and a half have held so many up and down moments. Happy memories made, and more tears than I’d like to think back on. But if one moment stands out in my mind–it’s this day.
September 12, 2015 — I married my best friend, the love of my life.
If you’ve stuck with this long a long time, then you know my story hasn’t always been an easy one to tell. There was a time in my life when broken wouldn’t even describe who I was. I lost myself, for a long… long time. When K. came into my life, the darkness I lost myself in for so long slowly, but surely, started to lighten again. And for the first time in the longest time I realized that I wasn’t alone, that there was someone who I could confide in. Not just the good things, the happy things–but someone who I could show all of me. Who I could lay beside, and confess the things I’ve been through… all of it. No filter, no hiding.
For the first time I realized what it meant to be loved unconditionally.
We’ve started a new journey together, and I have no idea what the next 50+ years has to offer. All I do know is that will be beside me… my love, my husband, my best friend.
This past weekend, I was lucky enough to be able to stand in the wedding of one of my best friends. Words cannot even begin to describe how happy I am for these two people–Ashley has been my best friend since we were kids, playing Spice Girls in my backyard. And Shawn, her now husband, was introduced to our group in hilarious fashion over a game of Craninum many, many years ago. I love both of them to death, and I’m so happy for them and their happily ever after.
Now, because pictures are way better than words… here are just a few shots from the night before (and our girlie sleepover) and the big day.
The bride-to-be totally cool, calm, and collection the night before. Testing out her “honey-do” whistle.
Hanging out the night before. Lots of candy and conversation all around.
Doing Ashley’s nails… I wish I had remembered to take pictures of her nails.
Do you know what happened five years ago this coming Wednesday (May 14th)?
I graduated from University.
I find it so strange to think that big chapter of my life happened five years ago. Looking at those pictures, it’s a little overwhelming to think how much has changed. My life has gone through many ups and downs–funerals, and weddings, babies, and new love. I’ve discovered the importance of my health, and for the first time in my life not only do I feel healthy, but I feel strong. It feels like a million years ago I stood in front of my University, head buried into the shoulder of my then boyfriend, scared to even cross the grounds and stand with my classmates for the group pictures they were taking. That’s not me anymore–not even a little bit. But never the less, looking at these pictures, I remember being that girl. I remember buying that dress, and how pretty it was. I remember how obsessed I was with losing ten pounds before, and how sick I made myself. I remember walking down the isle of the church, and seeing my whole family sitting there, proudly watching. And I remember thinking how it was the first day of the rest of my life… how I was in the “real world” now, and how terrified that made me.
Sometimes, it’s so nice to look back and reflect.
Life lately has been extraordinarily unexciting lately.
Maybe it’s the thing about getting to be in your (dear god) late twenties, but swinging nights of dancing are replaced with cosy cuddles on the couch. The most exciting thing that I’ve done is join a gym. Yep, seriously. 5:30 am woke out sessions have become my new favorite thing–besides nail polish of course. Work is work, and it’s not getting any better. If it weren’t for the people I work with being the most awesome people I’ve ever met, I certainly wouldn’t still be there. And I can feel my days as a retail slave being numbered. There are only so many crazy people you can deal with in your life, before it drives you mad. And after 8 years… it’s time for something new. But until I find that totally awesome place, I can at least be content in the fact I have an awesome discount on nail polish, which in turn gives me happy vibes. And I know at the end of the day, I have the most amazing boyfriend to come home to, for all the couch cuddles a girl could ever ask for.
So I’ve written before that over the last couple years I’ve tried to conqueror my issues with anxiety, self harm, and disordered eating. With anxiety especially, I was told to try and put my energy into concentrating on something–anything–else. Now this might seem silly… but one of the best things I’ve found to put my energy into was nail art. I’ve always been obsessed with nail polish, ever since I was a kid trying to recreate Buffy Summers’ gorgeous manicures.
Over the last couple years I’ve discovered nail art blogs, and fell in love. I started slowly at first, trying different designs, but when I started recovering from my eating disorder I needed something to concentrate on other than food–or calories, or the weight I was gaining–and I really started to love painting my nails. Doing them made me feel pretty. No matter what I weigh, my nails don’t change–and I like being able to concentrate on that. Sure, I’m slightly obsessed with polish but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
And thankfully, I have a boyfriend who understands why I have almost 300 bottles of polish… and growing. He even helps me pick out colors when I can’t think of how I want to do my nails. Now that’s love.
As I previously mentioned, Kenton moved in to the house I share with my roommate back in the middle of December, once he finished his school in Moncton. Technically, he had moved all his stuff in way back in October, but because he was commuting, we were still sharing my tiny old bedroom upstairs when he came home on weekends. That room was barely big enough for me, let alone the two of us together. You have no idea how glad I was once he officially moved in, unpacked, and we took over the basement.
I’ve never lived with a boy before. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, especially considering I’ve somehow managed to acquire a huge amount of stuff in my twenty-seven years–but somehow we’ve managed to find a balance between our stuff. Sure, he thinks I own too many dresses, and I just can’t understand his obsession with home renovation shows (haha) but that’s what makes us work. I was a little scared, but honestly… nothing has ever felt so perfect.
And with that, I thought I’d share just a peak into our little love nest.
Our bed. It’s a hand-me-down, replacing my old bunk beds. I can’t wait for us to get a new bed–that mattress has seen better days for sure. Once we get our tax refunds, we’re getting a new bed, and a whole new bed spread.
Also check out the awesome wood paneling that surrounds us in our new bedroom. So seventies. We also have a wicked wooden bar just off to the left that hides Kenton’s Man nook.
My makeshift closet. Basically a whole bunch of rolling racks for my dresses and such. I wish I could say this was all the clothing I owned…. but not even close.
More evidence of my overwhelming amount of stuff. So many books, and comics, and little nicknacks. Yeah… don’t ask me how all of this fit into that little room of mine…. I couldn’t tell you.
We live in the basement, so there is no view. I jazzed up the window sill with Batman, and some stuffed toys, which joined the Kempt Rd. sign that Kenton had from his old apartment. He also put up hooks so I can organize my jewelry.
Christmas is a month away.
Weird to think how quickly this year has sped by. It feels like not that long ago I was celebrating last Christmas now here it is, once again. While usually I tend to get depressed around Christmas, the blues hitting me hard. This year, though, things are feeling different. The closer we get to Christmas the more excited I get.
This is the boy and my first Christmas together (we started dating in the beginning of January last year.) And more exciting with us living together it will be just us two on Christmas morning. I plan on getting the two of us onesies for Christmas morning and making a big breakfast. Usually I dread the holidays but this year I’m a giddy schoolgirl. I can’t wait to start decorating and baking and watching all my favorite Christmas episodes of my favorite shows. Not to mention some of my best friends will be coming back from the far reaches of the country.
I don’t know what has gotten into me. But I’m flush with Christmas sport and I like it!
So it’s kind of crazy, but I turn twenty seven in one week.
I don’t know why this age is freaking me out as much as it is. It just feels like such a monumental age. The more I think about it, the more I start to think about my life up to this point–the people in my life, and the people who no longer are. I will be the first person to admit I haven’t always made the best choices. For the majority of my life I’ve gone by my emotions, rather than by logic. And while that has lead to some great decisions, it also has meant that sometimes I’ve reacted from my gut.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that as my birthday approaches I can’t help but wonder about the people not in my life and almost wish I could make up for whatever reason it is that pulled us apart. Maybe this is being a grown up, I’m not sure. All I know is that for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it. And maybe there is no way to fix the past, to make up for the mistakes I’ve made. Maybe the best thing to do is just let it go. If only life had an instruction manual that could give me the answers. For now I guess all I can do is start from today and try and make sure I don’t repeat past mistakes. You can’t change the past, but you can make sure you don’t repeat it.
Fall is officially among us.
I’ve written before how fall is by far my favorite season. Fall fashions, Halloween (and my sister and brother in law’s annual Halloween party), and yes even my birthday.
In less than a month I turn 27 which actually freaks me out, more so than any birthday yet so far. There is just something about the idea of being 27. For one, its the same age my mother was when she had me. It feels like such a grown up age–like I should be married by now with a house and a dog and a couple kids. This is especially compounded by the fact my 10 year high school reunion is next year, and while Facebook creeping my high school classmates, I couldn’t help but notice a large chunk of them are married, and having babies and being all grown up. All I can boast is that I’ve finally gotten my beginners, about ten years after the rest of the world.
Don’t get me wrong I’m more than happy with my life, and the way things have ended up. I have the most fabulous family, friends and boyfriend and wouldn’t want life to be any different. My life may not have gone the way I imagined it would at 17 but that’s okay with me. I know 27 is going to hold a lot of exciting things-the boyfriend moving in, for one. So much is changing and I’m ready to embrace whatever the universe has in store for me.
To my best friend,
It’s been a year since you moved a straight shot across the country, landing on the opposite coast.
We’ve said since we were kids that no matter what happens, and what life brings us, we will be eighty years old crazy ladies drinking gin from teacups and telling the stories of when we were young. And even with the entire country between us I will never stop knowing that’s true. After 13 odd years of good times, bad times and drunk times our friendship has never wavered. A lot has been changing in the last year, and both of us are no longer the silly tipsy girls who used to get drunk on a pirate ship and stumble through the streets at midnight. It blows my mind that the next couple years will see us getting married and having babies and starting our futures. But no matter what happens, how many miles between us, I know that you and I will always be a part of each others lives. You’re not just my best friend–you’re my second sister.
I miss you so much. Everyday. But whenever it gets too much all I have to do is close my eyes and remember the good times, never forgetting it’s just the beginning of many more memories to come.